I wrote this poem in 2004...Enjoy<br /> <br /> T'was the night before Christmas, I crept through the house<br /> And searched for the cookies, avoiding the spouse<br /> I keep off the hall light and prowled round with care<br /> Hoping my thighs wouldn't knock down a chair<br /> <br /> My pup and my honey were asleep in their beds<br /> While I was here tearing a lettuce to shreds<br /> I tightened my girdle, pulled up my chin strap<br /> Opened the fridge and began to unwrap<br /> <br /> I moved the cheese over and pulled out a platter<br /> while sticking my finger in cookie dough batter<br /> When all of a sudden I had a hot flash<br /> I practically lost the whole works in the trash<br /> <br /> The breast of my chicken was white as fresh snow<br /> I placed it right next to my big sloppy Joe<br /> Oh look, peeked my wandering eye..over there<br /> Nice cobs of corn, for my favorite reindeer<br /> <br /> I had to be careful, yet, quiet and quick<br /> 'fore hubby would catch me with dear old St Nick<br /> Of course there was no one else but me to blame<br /> I chuckled and worked near the blue candle flame<br /> <br /> &acirc;��Now sweetie, my darling, my sugar, my vixen&acirc;��<br /> He'd say all of that if he'd catch me here mixin<br /> He thinks there's no Santa, Ohhh nooo, not at all<br /> He'll be here, I thought, as I strained my tea ball<br /> <br /> I squeezed out the whipped cream, some squirt in my eye<br /> How pretty it looked on my blueberry pie<br /> I jumped to the stove top to check on the stew<br /> Not missing a lick of my chocolate fondue<br /> <br /> Tomorrow I'd carry the burden of proof<br /> Tonight I 'm just gonna sit down here and wolf<br /> I ate all the chocolates and cakes by the pound<br /> A swig of fresh eggnog helped wash it all down<br /> <br /> I found myself tired but had to stay put<br /> And added some garlic to fresh ginger root<br /> I whipped up some h'orsdoeurves and just set them back<br /> I'll eat them at midnight if I get an attack<br /> <br /> My eyes were all red from my 1st Bloody Mary<br /> So full, when I burped, that I popped out a cherry<br /> When just out of nowhere I heard a &quot;Hello&quot;<br /> I nearly 'bout choked on my gob full of dough<br /> <br /> &acirc;��Any for me, dear ?&acirc;�� he smiled through his teeth<br /> &acirc;��Shhh&acirc;�� I said, &acirc;��quiet, and have you a seat.&acirc;��<br /> &acirc;��Been waiting here for you, here's stuff from the deli<br /> And some of the cheese that you like, good 'n smelly.&acirc;��<br /> <br /> &acirc;��Eat up now,&acirc;�� I whispered, &acirc;�� Got the place to ourselves<br /> Oh yes here's some cookies for your Keebler ..uh elves.<br /> Here's you some roast beef, and fresh sandwich spread<br /> Hurry now, so I can creep back into bed.&acirc;��<br /> <br /> &acirc;��Yes, thanks for the lunch,&acirc;�� he gave a sweet smirk<br /> &acirc;��I'm full but it's time that I get back to work.&acirc;��<br /> He put up his finger, wiped cream off my nose<br /> Kissed my cheek, passed me his usual white rose<br /> <br /> He looked me all over and gave a low whistle<br /> &acirc;��Girl, your still so pretty, like the down of a thistle.&acirc;��<br /> I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight<br /> &acirc;��I'll see you next year...If you're up for a bite.&acirc;��<br />   Submitted By: andria donnelly