A Newfie went out hunting
And got himself a moose,
But when he went to clean it,
He found he’d shot a goose.

He plucked the feathers from it
And put it on to bake.
But when he went to taste it,
He found a cherry cake.

He took it from the oven
And set it out to cool,
While all the time he wondered
Who played him for a fool.

When he went to have a slice
‘Twas but a little snack,
He found instead upon his plate
A slab of raw fatback.

He cut a nice piece from it
Put scrunchions on to fry,
But when he looked into his pan
Found partridgeberry pie.

By now he was so hungry
He knew not what to do,
So he went out to the fridge
To get his favourite brew.

He’d bought a case of Black Horse
Just the other day,
Then he let out a mighty yell
When he found Perrier.

This brought his missus running in
From out beside the stream,
She found him snoring on the couch,
And woke him from his dream.

“Get up, me son,” she told him
“And here’s a thought I’ll spare,
Had you woken in the Arctic
‘Twould have been a real nightmare.”

Cynthia Gullage
Toronto, ON